Triumph Over Tragedy: Wanting to Become a Mom

This is part one of a two part look at a women's journey to motherhood.

Darlene, a teacher at a private school in Concord, had been dreaming of being a parent since she was a young child.

She went to college, began her teaching career, and thought she would someday find the right man to marry and start a family with. As each year passed, Darlene had still not found that special someone. Meanwhile, her biological clock was ticking. Darlene says, “I have not found the man I want to share my life with yet and I really wanted to start a family so I decided that since I am very secure about being single, have a full time steady job and an amazing support system - that it was the time to begin the process.”

The bottom line was, she wanted a child who would call her mom!

Darlene began undergoing infertility treatments while in her mid-30s. After working with a  sperm bank and not getting pregnant after multiple attempts, she was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome.Darlene could have sought treatment for her condition, but opted instead to turn to the idea of adoption. She simply wanted to be a parent and welcome a child into her life!

Darlene turned to the Independent Adoption Center in Pleasant Hill. This non-profit adoption agency facilitates open adoptions, where the birth mother actually chooses the couple or single person who will raise her baby. Together, the birth mother and adopting parent or parents choose the amount of contact they would like to have after the adoption. This could be a letter exchange several times a year, visits once a year, or even much more frequent monthly visits — it’s all up to those directly involved in creating an amazing family.

As a single woman adopting a baby or trying to adopt a baby, Darlene was told it would likely take her longer to adopt than it would for a couple. After all, many birth mothers are single women just like Darlene. On the flip side, Darlene was also in her late 30s by now, had an established career and had an amazing network of friends and family supporting her.

Darlene began the long wait. Months ticked by and Darlene was still not a mom and had no prospects for realizing her dream. She frequently contacted her adoption counselor at the Independent Adoption Center to share her worries and ask questions. She knew that her counselor was there for her throughout the entire adoption process. Questions like, “Why not me?” or “When will I be chosen?” were met with positive answers to reassure Darlene that one day, it would happen.

Thirty-seven months came and went. The 2011 school year had just started, and Darlene was dismissing her students on the second day of school, when she got “that” call.  A call that would forever change her life and turn her struggle to become a mom into a reality.

You can read about how Darlene's challenge to become a mother continued tomorrow on San Ramon Patch.


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