SOS: Civil War and Ceasefire

Do you know what I’ve been thinking about for the last couple months? I’ve been thinking about how not only is breast cancer awareness given a whole month, but more importantly, how so many people are open about sharing and how many people support others who have breast cancer and finally, how many people and companies are trying to cure it.

It was a huge day when the breast cancer gene was identified. Now, if only there was an eating disorder gene that could be identified. I know that eating disorders are more than just based on genetics; they’re composed of genes, personality traits, and environmental influences. If only eating disorders could be blamed on genes. But they aren’t, which is both good and bad. It’s bad because when you and your significant other are having genetic testing before having a baby, the genetic counselor can’t tell you whether or not your child is at risk for an eating disorder. At least if the cause of an eating disorder was known and isolated, you could prepare an environment that did everything it could to reduce the risk. You could read up on eating disorders, research it, knowing that if or when it showed up in your child, you would know what to do. Yet, it’s also a good thing that eating disorders aren’t solely based on genes because that means not everyone who inherits the gene trait in your family will develop an eating disorder.

It’s interesting to me when I see the similarities and differences between cancer and eating disorders. Both don’t have a definitive cure, only treatment and remission. Both people who have overcome cancer and people who have overcome eating disorders can be called or are termed “survivors.” And when someone in the family has an eating disorder or cancer, all of the attention is shifted towards them. Also, cancer and eating disorders can not only wreak havoc on the whole body, they can interrupt a person’s entire life. Both can be debilitating, earth-shaking, and life-altering.

Many people get upset when eating disorders are compared to cancer. I, too, get frustrated because there isn’t a better example. But it’s just that: we don't have a better example. There’s not much we can compare eating disorders to becauseit’s so unique. There hasn’t been anything like it in history. Every case is different. I’m not saying or insinuating by any means that cancer is at all easy and simple, because it’s not. I’m just saying that we use the cancer analogy to describe eating disorders because there are similarities. It makes describing eating disorders easier when we compare them to something that’s more widely known and understood.

I know that a lot of what I say here on Patch will be controversial. You may think that, at times, I don’t know what I’m talking about. You are entitled to your opinion. You have a right to form your own judgment. The thing is, talking about eating disorders and cancer and many other sicknesses can get emotional and heated. We talk with our hearts and not with our heads. We get angry. We get hurt. There are so many different opinions and ideas out there and I’m not opposed to hearing them out. I’m just one voice that’s screaming so that it can be heard. I’m one voice, one opinion, one person…just like you.

In this article, I’m not attacking cancer. I’m not blaming it for getting all the attention that it receives, just like I don’t blame my brother for the attention that he received. I really just wish that eating disorders were more openly talked about, and were more widely understood. I wish there was a whole month dedicated to it, and that society at large was more on board with finding a cure or educating the public about the truth.

What I think we as a society need to do, is to stop fighting. I’m not talking about world wars and what not, though that definitely needs to happen as well. I’m talking about cancer people versus eating disorder people versus everyone else. We claim to be so misunderstood, but we won’t even let the other side be given a chance to explain themselves. We’re being hypocritical and creating a double standard.

I think that instead of attacking one another, we need to come together, realize that we have common ground, and support each other. ‘If you look out for me, I’ll look out for you.’ We have different opinions, we can agree to disagree. Let’s just call a ceasefire. I hate to get all political here on you, but it’s the same thing with the presidential campaign ads. I don’t think that mudslinging your opponents and bringing them down will actually make you look better. Yes, it makes the other side look worse, but it does absolutely nothing for your side.

[Fun fact: this concept of mudslinging goes all the way back to 1648. It started in the civil wars of France, called the Fronde. The word “fronde” means slingshot or catapult, and a “frondeur” was originally a person who threw mud at the passing carriages of the rich. Yes, I purposefully and seriously just took out my AP European History textbook in order to look this up because I knew that I remembered learning about it. I had a 1 in 1065 pages chance in finding this one paragraph within the whole textbook, and obviously as you can see, the odds were against me. I really had no idea what page, what chapter, or what unit I should look in. I just knew that it was one paragraph that had something to do with French people. I flipped through the pages, and seriously, 2 minutes later, I found it. I love when miracles happen. Even small ones like this.]

Anyway, I just think that people that have sicknesses, or know about them, should rally together and support one another. We’ve all gone through some pretty rough experiences. We all have wounds, whether they are visible or invisible. We all have buttons that have been pushed and will continue to be pushed. We should spend our time teaching others about the sicknesses and disorders, not spending the time ripping each other apart. Part of the reason that so many disorders are misunderstood is because we ourselves perpetuate the misinformation. Misinformation is one of the root causes of misunderstanding and being kept in the dark. We shouldn’t add to it with the ubiquity of negativity. If we want things to change, we have to look in the mirror. Even if that’s hard for us in the eating disorder world where mirrors are our worst enemy, we need to do it. We need to be honest with ourselves and others. Stop judging. Stop with the prejudices. Stop with the stereotypes. Although we need to put ourselves out there and clear up misconceptions through ‘damage control’, sometimes we don’t hear what the other side has to say, and that’s equally important. Earlier in this same post, I wrote: “There are so many different opinions and ideas out there and I’m not opposed to hearing them out. I’m just one voice that’s screaming so that it can be heard.” Well, if I’m busy screaming, then I can’t hear what others say. Maybe it’s time to just be quiet and listen.