Arts & Entertainment

Memoir Tackles Stigma of Mental Illness

Peggy Kennedy's memoir, "Approaching Neverland: A Tale of Epic Tragedy and Happily Ever After," published a year ago, memorializes her mother's battle against acute bipolar disorder and the author's own coming-of-age

When Peggy Kennedy was 5 years old, her mother tried to kill her.

It wasn't a malicious attempt. Her mom wanted to take Kennedy and her four older siblings to Neverland through asphyxiation. A neighbor saved the children that day from the mother's morbid fantasy, a symptom of acute bipolar disorder.

"That was my most vivid memory from childhood," said Kennedy, a 55-year-old Bay Area native and, since the release of her memoir last year, published author. "But without hesitation, I can say that I had a wonderful mother."

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Kennedy – who lives in San Ramon with her husband and two sons – could have penned her memoir for a number of reasons.

It could have been because of her mother's battle against mental illness. Or her sister's brutal murder. Or her brother's death by AIDS. Or growing up in a family with three gay siblings. Or her own personal struggles with self-image and later coming-of-age as a successful career woman.

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Kennedy, an event planner by trade, wrote "Approaching Neverland: A Memoir of Epic Tragedy and Happily Ever After" for all those reasons, and then some. Mostly, though, she began writing it five years ago for herself, to come to terms with all the crazy, harrowing, uplifting and otherwise memorable experiences life threw at her in what seems like unrelenting succession.

"Part of it was that I was turning 50," she said. "And when you approach milestones in life, you want to put things into place."

It proved to be no easy task. It took 20-plus rewrites, several interviews with her three surviving brothers and sisters and immeasurable soul-searching.

"My writing coach told me that this is not going to be any good until you feel like you're naked, hanging from a tree," Kennedy said.

You can call Kennedy a nudist of sorts, for all the book's detail.

Kennedy's story is as much hers as it is her mother's – Barbara Kennedy, a woman afflicted with some combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. Barbara's were the days of electroshock therapy, and thorazine, of weeks away at "the loony bin" and secrecy surrounding her condition.

"For as long as I can remember, we weren't supposed to talk about mom's disease," Kennedy said. "My friends knew she was eccentric, that she was different, but it was our family's secret. You were never supposed to talk about those things."

Kennedy was never supposed to talk about her mother's many hospitalizations, her dramatic mood swings, her personality changes or her own fears of whether she, too, would inherit the mental illness that worked its way into the minds of generations of women in her family.

But Kennedy's book gives a more complete picture of a family dealing with mental illness than just the low points. When her family suffered, her mother became a source of strength.

"I think it's important to talk about the flip side to all the hardship," said Kennedy. "Living with this disease wasn't all tragic, my mother helped us through heartbreak … she made us laugh … she accepted us."

Kennedy's mom – who died from colon cancer in 1992 – comforted the family through the death of two siblings; her father's battle against Alzheimer's disease and the author's own struggle to find her way in life, from real estate agent to owner of a successful Bay Area event planning company.

"Approaching Neverland" has become a way for Kennedy to reach out to families with experiences like hers. Kennedy speaks at book clubs and to mental health groups in the area about her life story. Twenty percent of the proceeds from the book's sale through the end of the month will go to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

When Kennedy grew up, talking about mental disease was taboo – a family secret. Kennedy said she hopes her book helps other families affected by some form of mental illness by reminding them that they're not alone.

"This book will go a long way toward helping beak down the stigma surrounding mental illness and bipolar disorder," wrote Gifford Boyce-Smith, president of the San Francisco Chapter for the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

And if that makes one less person feel a little less crazy and keep a sense of humor about a life lived with or near mental illness, Kennedy's glad she could help.

"You have to be able to see the good in the illness, too," she said. "It wasn't all bad, and being able to laugh about things really helps you get through them."

At a glance
Kennedy is scheduled to appear on ABC7's View From the Bay at 3 p.m. on June 8, and will discuss her book at the Livermore Public Library at 2 p.m. on Sunday.

For more information about the author's book, where to buy it and other upcoming speaking engagements, go to www.approachingneverland.com.  

Kennedy is also looking for more volunteers to join her in a fundraising walk this weekend for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can sign up on the group's website.  


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